


don’t know if I’m crazy Or if I wanted to keep you in my heart

by Mintyxxchuu



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Barista!Soobin, Boys In Love, Forbidden Love, Forced Marriage, M/M, Post-Break Up, Short One Shot, biker!Yeonjun, tragic ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:08:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22266889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mintyxxchuu/pseuds/Mintyxxchuu
Summary: He keeps wondering but he never gets the answers.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 9
Kudos: 50





	don’t know if I’m crazy Or if I wanted to keep you in my heart

**Author's Note:**

> My first Yeonbin One shot on AO3! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it ;)

“ _ **Marry me,”**_

The night air is stiffling as Yeonjun leans against the metal fences by Han River. The weather is quite chilling, despite the leather jacket drapped over his body. His semi-gloved hand is wrapped around a cold bottle of his favourite Asahi beer. His eyes are heavy on the water, his own reflection murky but he could still see his face expression under the dim street light.

Pathetic. He notes. He looks ready to drown himself too. Yeonjun sighs, pulling the bottle to his lips and tilting it back, tasting the bitter drink as it falls into his mouth. 

Bitter, like him.

But that’s the truth isn’t it? That love is nothing more than endless heart break. Love is nothing more than inevitable pain. Look where it got him, hanging out at Han River at midnight just to drink his heart out.

_“Choi Yeonjun?,”_

_The barista called as he placed his drink on the counter. Yeonjun looked up from his phone and felt his heart palpated at the sight of the most beautiful man he’d ever seen. The barista was smiling at him, dimples on full display. It made his heart race._

_Yeonjun never felt that way before._

Yeonjun wishes he never felt anything the moment they met.

It’s hard. It’s so fucking hard to deal with an aftermath of giving his all to someone. To put up with the consequences of loving someone so much he forgot to put himself first.

So he drowns in the beer.

And drowns in his memories.

“I _don’t know hyung.. i’m not a big fan of bikes,” Soobin said hesitantly one time when Yeonjun was still courting him. Yeonjun was on his bike, beckoning the other to sit behind him._

_“Hey—,” Yeonjun called, catching Soobin’s eyes and immediately noticed the fear in them. He reached out his gloved hand towards Soobin and smiled reassuringly. “— i trust you. Do you trust me?,” he asked._

_Soobin hesitated, glancing between his hand and the bike before relenting. He slipped his hand onto Yeonjun’s outreached one and smiled shakily. “I trust you,”_

Yeonjun wonders if that had been a lie as well. He had gotten rid of Soobin’s fear, but it seemed that the fear had latched itself onto Yeonjun instead. Now, he deals with the fear.

The fear of never being enough for Choi Soobin.

He finds himself wondering if Soobin did ever trust him in their 2 years relationship. He finds himself wondering if the younger did love him after all.

He keeps wondering but he never gets the answers.

_They were at Han River. The sun had just set, leaving the sky to darken into the night but the mood was romantic for the courting couple leaning against the fence. Yeonjun’s eyes were on Soobin’s face but the younger was too into staring at the sky, lips parted slightly which caught Yeonjun’s attention._

_The older gulped nervously as he stared at the luscious pair of lips. Soobin caught him. “What are you staring at hyung?,” he asked. Yeonjun jumped, startled. Then, he laughed awkwardly._

_“Nothing,” he said and turned his gaze back to the river. Soobin hummed, unimpressed._

_“Didn’t know my lips are nothing,” he said. Yeonjun flushed but stubbornly refused to meet Soobin’s gaze. Soobin laughed, and grasped Yeonjun’s chin. He moved the older’s face so he could see the beautiful scarlet all over his face._

_“If you want to kiss me, then kiss me,” Soobin said, caressing Yeonjun’s cheek. Yeonjun met his gaze and smiled._

_“We’re not together yet though?,” He said cheekily. Soobin rolled his eyes._

_“I didn’t know that would stop you,” Soobin chided and Yeonjun smiled softly._

_“I don’t want you to think i only like you for the physical stuff, Soobin. I’m willing to wait for you,” Yeonjun said sweetly. Soobin stared at him, his face unreadable._

_Yeonjun gulped again. Had he said something wrong..? Soobin suddenly leaned in and wrapped his arms around Yeonjun’s waist, bringing them closer. “Uh, Soo—,” he was cut when a pair of lips covered his own._

_There was nothing climatic about the kiss. No fire works. No romantic background music. No lust. Just Soobin pressing his lips against Yeonjun’s._

_It took a second for Yeonjun to reciprocate but it was enough for him to snap out of it and kissed Soobin back. He felt Soobin’s lips curled upward and he knew his too._

_They were smiling, as they basked in their first kiss._

Yeonjun reaches for his lips, tracing the bottom lip and sighs in frustration. He drinks his beer, pushing himself off the fence and moves to grab his bag on the ground. He pulls it up and an envelope flutters onto the ground. Yeonjun stares at it, knowing full well that it’s taunting him.

He lost Soobin. Even their first kiss isn’t able to distract him from that.

_Yeonjun’s arms are wrapped around Soobin as they leaned against the wall to stare out of Yeonjun’s apartment window and see the fire works. It was new year. A year had passed since they met each other._

_“Hey,” Soobin called out and Yeonjun hummed absentmindedly. He was too busy staring at the fireworks. “I love you,” he said._

_Yeonjun was surprised, looking down at the younger. Soobin’s face was happy as he stared up at Yeonjun’s face. It was the first time Soobin had ever said the three words._

_“Will you be my boyfriend?,” Soobin asked. Yeonjun smiled, eyes teary as he nodded happily._

_“Of course baby,”_

Yeonjun crouches down and picks it up. His hands are shaking as his eyes burn with unshed tears. The envelope hasn’t been opened but he already knows the content. It is killing him, the truth.

The truth that Soobin had never been happy with him from the first place.

He falls down on his ass and stares at the envelope. He hopes that the piece of paper can burn itself if he keeps staring at it. He’s haunted by the truth.

He’s haunted by the lies.

_“I’m sorry,” Soobin said as he moved to pack his stuff and moved out of Yeonjun’s apartment. Yeonjun stared at him, tears burning his eyes and chest constricted with heartbreak._

_Soobin moved to leave but Yeonjun immediately captured his wrist. “Hyung—,” he was cut off as Yeonjun cried._

_“What did i do wrong, Soobinie? Tell me so i can fix this,” he pleaded. Soobin met his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks._

_“There’s nothing to fix,” he said. Yeonjun felt a rush of anger and pulled Soobin closer. “hyung—,” he was cut off again, this time with Yeonjun’s lips pressed against his. Soobin struggled but Yeonjun immediately held his hands and pulled him flushed against his body._

_Soobin pushed Yeonjun away and slapped him. Yeonjun stepped back, holding his cheek as he stared at the younger. Soobin was crying, but there was no mistaken the pain in his eyes._

_He left the apartment without another word._

Yeonjun knows if he ends up opening the envelope, he will only be in for the pain but his fingers are moving. They unravel the envelope and a card falls out when he tilts it into his palm.

He sobs as he reads the first two words on the front.

Wedding invitation

His whole body is on fire. He is in pain as he sees the name on the card.

Choi Soobin.

And the other name isn’t him. It’s not him. It will never be him.

“ ** _I won’t marry you,” Soobin said. His eyes were glistening with tears._**

****

**_“What did i do, Soobin? H—how could you easily replace me?,” Yeonjun asked, eyes involuntarily wondering to the bridal shop display window where a pretty girl Soobin had gone with was happily checking out the dresses._ **

****

**_“I don’t love you, hyung. I would never love you,” Soobin said and walked away. Yeonjun stood on the street, his whole heart shattered into dust but his mind kept replaying the same heartbreak he saw in Soobin’s eyes._ **

Yeonjun stands up, hand clutching the card and the other holding his bottle of beer. He turns to the river, and releases the card. He watches as it drifts with the wind.

Like him, as he drifts more and more into heartbreak.

He’s moving again, picking up his bag which holds a lot of his things to travel Korea. To leave Choi Soobin. He walks back to his bike and he’s aware that’s he’s slightly tipsy but couldn’t careless. He hops on, starting the engine and he’s moving.

He’s leaving Choi Soobin.

_The wedding day. It’s today._

_Yeonjun stands infront of the chapel, slightly hidden by a tree as he stares at the guests. When the door closes, he is torn. He’s torn by his mind and heart._

_But his feet are moving. Fast._

_He slams the door open and sees all the guests staring at him in horror but his eyes are on his Angel standing by the priest. Soobin’s face is pained but there is no mistaken the relief in his eyes._

_Yeonjun is moving, walking past the bride and towards Soobin who didn’t even stop him. He looks ridiculous, clad in leather jackets and fingerless gloves in a wedding but he doesn’t care. Soobin is infront of him, staring at him with the same longing in his eyes._

_Yeonjun grabs Soobin’s blazer and pulls him close. They are inches away from each other but Yeonjun and Soobin are alone in their own world. The chaos his action did melts into the background, leaving them both alone. Finally alone. And honest._

_Soobin loves him. Even if he denies it._

_Yeonjun reaches up and kisses him._

Yeonjun wakes up, tears rolling down his cheeks as he realises where he is. In his hotel room, somewhere in Jeju Island. He turns on his side and cries, shakily holding the blankets to his chest as he suffers in his heartbreak. The wedding is today and it’s reality.

Soobin isn’t next to him.

**Author's Note:**

> I write AUs on Twitter. Come find me 💜💜
> 
> Twitter: @/MintCelestial


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